this post inspired by the comic humor queen @butlikemaybe on INSTA and her post “Types of People in Quarantine”
1. THE BRAGITUDE
OMG you guys, just look at this screenshot post of the sixty-seven thousand million gorgeous beautiful people in this unconsented gallery screen shot of my ZOOM class. AMAZING.
OMG my heart is like so full you guys. SO thankful.
#gratitude #bragitude #blessed #self-promotion #maskedmarketing
*shout out to Sean Haleen who predicted the ZOOM screenshot as overtaking the savasana photo bomb
2. THE INSTALIVE ALLTHETIME YOGI:
@imliveagainyogi started a LIVE video…..
HELLLOOOOOO ROCKSTARS!!! I’m going LIVE on insta!
did insta notify you I’m Live!
Got kicked off for too much time well I’m LIVE again!
@imliveagain started a LIVE video
I’m LIVE again!
Still alive LIVE, are my LIVE notifications annoying you love LIVE?
LET ME SEE YOUR FACE ON THE SCREEN LIVE
WAVE AT ME TO SHOW YOU’RE ALIVE
@imaliveaganyoi started a live video
is anyone else LIVE?
3. THE POSITIVE VIBES ONLY
So the world is ending, but that just means another world is opening right?
Be positive. Let’s all work on staying positive. It is scientific-ish fact: Pandemics don’t like good vibes; they positively hate positive vibes.
We need more positivity in this world.
Only send out positive vibes at this time.
Positive vibes only.
DID YOU HEAR ME STAY POSITIVE OR ELSE
#positivity #positivevibesonly #goodvibrations #positivelypositive #washyourhandsofnegativevibes #killcoronawithpositivevibesvaccine
4. THE ESSENTIALLY OILY SANITIZER
ONGUARD! Doterra Onguard!
When things don’t go as planned, I like to reach for my Juniper, Frankincense and Lavender blend, but these days I’m HOSING everyone and everything within a 6-foot radius with my stockpile of Doterra Onguard. The dogs love it! It’s even good sprayed on top of smoothie bowls. What’s your go-to de stressor?
XOXO, The ESSENTIALLY OILY (link in bio)
5. THE BRAND AMBASSADOR APOCALYPSE
It’s a beautiful day to be alive in your home alone wearing swimwear in a yoga pose selling stuff on the gram while separated from all your friends!
And this BORA BORA TUSHY BUM CREAM SCENTⓇ is what we need a little more in this time, loves! There so much to live for (and who doesn’t love a yummy scented bum bum?). I’m so humbled and thrilled and positively tickled to be a yummy BUMBUMⓇ partner, the first to try their new APRES BIDET BUM BUMⓇ spritz. Like all YUMMY BUMBUMⓇ scents, this spritz positively boosts those immunity cells by making your bumbum happy!!!* And it’s GF and vegan too!*
Link in Bio.
*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA or CDC
*PETA disagrees
https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rdYT4DLAS/
https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rdYT4DLAS/
6. THE CORONA CORE SHREDDER
If you don’t use this time to lockdown that six-pack, you’re not taking self care seriously.
#onlysickthinghereistheseabs #apocalypseabs #endofdayseightpackwhoswithme
7. THE WHOLEFOODS HOARDER
I have all the ORGANIC PALEO KETO WHOLE30™ APPROVED GF FOODS. ALL the GF crackers. ALL the unsweetened paleo-approved carrageenan-free almond milk.
I BOUGHT IT ALL. Been stockpiling this bunker for years.
#paleopandemicpantryprepper #whole30hoarder #KETOCORONA #takeyourTPandshoveit
8. THE ZOOM HUSTLER
Fresh photos with the bomb lighting– On ZOOM! Here’s a code, a password — to a pranayama flow a chill flow a fast flow a power flow an arm balance flow vinyasa, a splits flow an ashtanga flow a kundalini flow a kid flow a five minute tutorial a 30-minute crow flow and end of the world as we know it flow a new normal flow…. I got what you need what you want flow.
9. THE LONGTIME ASHTANGA HOME PRACTITIONER
10. THE ASTROLOGER:
The time is now, can you feel the shift? Times of uncertainty anchor times to our cosmic center at home, your own personal cardboard tube at the center of your hoarded toilet paper roll. All living things bliss in your living room. Navigate consciousness sanitizer, belonging to the web of hand-washed modalities sheltered in place.
Sonic sanitization.
Roots Roost.
Full moon, furloughed.
Mercury, masked.
Did I say abundance yet, of toilet paper in dreams, say you’re a Taurus aren’t you?
Here is the equation: HOARD + TP = NOW
and Coronavirus Chakra Cleanse with me on Insta Live!
11. THE STAY AT HOME MOM YOGA TEACHER TRYING TO TEACH ON ZOOM FEED HER KIDS HANDLE HOMESCHOOL AND WORK ANOTHER JOB:
Help.
#thatsnotafacemaskthatsawhiteflag
12. THE PIOUS LITTLE SHIT DEEPENING HIS PRACTICE
“Does it feel good to stand on my insta stage with 500-pound tigers and everybody envy you? Absolutely.”
#tigerkingofquarantineyogi #underhiseye