Dear Yogis: The current situation is rapidly evolving, and here we are, practicing yoga home alone with our own dust bunnies and rolled sock props. While you’re at it, here is a list of additional cancellations in our yoga world due to the pandemic (and may some of these NEVER COME BACK):

1. Rolling Up One Vertebrae at a Time. Yeah, the world is ending and we’re riled up on insta yogi grammar. For the last damn time, rolling up “One Vertebrae at a time is canceled.” Rolling up one vertebra at a time, however, remains available for curbside delivery.
   
2. Juicy assists. Honestly, we’re not sure if they ever were juicy, but there is no literal or metaphorical juicing via ZOOM. Kinda amazing how even before Corona put us on lockdown the first thing to go were these needless assists. Consider this juice-free practice part of the new normal– Why bring them back? (Creepy assists, unconsented assists, thoughtless assembly-line assists, new teacher-touch-crazy assists, invasive assists, “sexual assault disguised as assists” all remain canceled, Covid or not.)
   
3. Giving all your power away to a teacher. You just try taking it over ZOOM, ok boomer?
   
4. Communal Yoga Mats and Props. Someone’s hands, feet, sweat, ujjayi heavy breathing, runny nose has been on that mat you PAID TO BORROW. Do you see that sweaty ass print ingrained on the mat’s surface? What’s wrong with you? That goes for blocks and straps too. We don’t know how these foam blocks and torture straps streaked with sweat got um forgotten in the land of disgusting human body fluid bacteria sharing, but if you think mats are gross at least we pretended to friggin clean those (ha as if!). But the bacteria bonanza blocks? Never. There ain’t enough lavender oil and clorox in the world to clean the spores on these suckers. No Mas. Communal Cooties: CANCELED.
   
5. Canceling yoga poses. Look, unless your teacher is a dogmatic a-hole, the poses are not all required, ever, so you don’t need to cancel any of them. Practicing and teaching with awareness, compassion and an individualized approach, however, remain copacetic under social distancing recommendations.
   
6. Yoga solely for the young, hot and beach-bound butt-selfie worthy. Now that we’re all home practitioners, suffice it to say the cat’s out of the bag: you can do yoga with cellulite, without fancy clothes, with any size of butt cheeks. For so long one would think yoga could only be performed by slim, gazellian white women on the beaches of Santorini. Thanks to Covid-19, we now know that anyone can do triangle pose at home alone in their sweatpants in Pittsburg. Yoga as exclusively the province of the hot-privileged is canceled.
   
7. Taking photos of students in savasana. Taking advantage of your students in vulnerable positions for your self promotions is FORKING CANCELED, Amber Ahimsa. PS, if your teacher does snag a zoom of you in savasana, you have permission to draw male genitalia across the screen in your next zoom meeting.
   
8. Telling students, with a laugh, that “if you touch your neighbor, it’s good luck” OR “just give them a love tap or a high five.”  IT IS NOT OK TO HAVE YOUR FOOT IN MY ARMPIT, SHARON or an inch from my mouth, MARK– During corona, or ever. (For the record, I never liked having your skull roll into mine during Garbha Pindasana during led class, either.) 
   
9. Positive vibes only. Now is the time to hold space for varied vibes, from good to not so good. We cannot be positive vibes all the time– What do we look like, dogs? No! We’re humans in lockdown, shelter in place, quarantine and crisis, so we’re stocking up on all the vibes, thank you.
   
10. YTT Puppy Mills. Speaking of Dogs…..Two people in YTT for every teacher? Canceled. Zoom can only take so much more of this, okay? The best way to deepen your practice is not a $3000 YTT but, as always, practicing daily on your mat.