| “The magic happens when your yoga practice sucks” ~Shanna Small, sAshtanga Yoga Project. Can we talk now about how GOOD the seemingly bad days can be? About how, if you didn’t have those days, you wouldn’t have the all out epic days because –you wouldn’t have a daily practice. Bad days don’t exist wihtout the good ones. I stepped on my mat Thursday after ritualistic procrastination for the third damn day—scrolling, instastory-landing, space staring, navel inspections. Then began Surya Namaskar in the most “bored toddler” style possible. (The opposite of what David Garrigues coined the “tom sawyer” effect.…when someone is doing anything in their practice and you feel it in your gut thinking man I want to do THAT! even, if its the way you stand in samastitihi) Naturally, this annoying voice I wish I could flush down the toilet whispered, “Quit!” Run for a vinyasa class, do ANYTHING but this! but I stayed (see my list for how and why) with it until I surprised myself with Arrival at my last pose in third series with sweat and transitions smoothed to something akin to that pranalicious Tom Sawyer sheen. Was it my most photogenic feeling practice ? No, but then again, kinda yeah. A day that began seeming bad but became just another day in a life of regular practice. Think of it this way: The magic only happens when your practice sucks, because if you didn’t have a regular practice no practice could seemingly or actually suck like this, no mental battle could ever wage, because– You’d have already quit. You only get to the mental war because you are already on the goddamn battlefield The “best practices” (quotes because i take some issue with “good” and “bad” characterizations) exist by virtue of all the days, including and perhaps especially the days that seem to, or do indeed suck. So, without further ado, here’s what got me to it the past few days, in the moments before I began: (1) I re-read the Ashtanga Yoga Project blog: “the magic happens when your yoga practice sucks.” If in doubt, do this! It helps me all the time, starting with the first day I googled “when your practice sucks” and found it. (2) I think about how David Garrigues once said if you are short on time, give all your intensity. So if I’m even thinking about quitting early, I tell myself to give all I got to those few postures. And funny enough this helps me to keep going, it helps pull me out of the “bored toddler” style asana. and funny enough, this sometimes prevents me from throwing in the towel early at all. (3) Remember you can turn it around, because you have. You’re in this boat because you have a regular practice, right? By now, I’ve had enough days that looked bad —I mean really bad– that turned out just fine so I know that when I face the mat with doubt and low energy I really have no idea what could happen. So I let it happen. Call it faith based on daily evidence. (4) bad and good are words. Practice just is. “No practice is ever wasted” (5) If all else fails, I commit to a bare minimum (for me it was to pincha) (6) I remember the investment I made before I stepped on my mat: the prep, the clothes, the shower, the coffee, the humidifier, the childcare. It seems silly to bag it now. (7) I think about my teacher and friends in the mysore room I get to see here and there. I don’t want to let them down. Then again, it’s not about fulfilling a commitment to them. Not to dogma. Not to some guru or even a system, but to Me– to who I want to be: “What we practice is who we become next.” ~ Eddie Stern (8) Give yourself a big CONGRATULATIONS…ish. Look, you can’t have epic sweaty long kick-ass ninja days without some days that are more tired stiff and sloth-y. Uphill means a downhill has to come. It’s not bad– you feel used because that’s what you signed up for. This is your mind, your body– this is you–on daily practice. So, like those guys in silicon valley who celebrate failed projects, give yourself a cheer for feeling this way. You’ve made it. You have a practice which means sometimes things will seem to –or actually — suck. Don’t walk out now, when it’s just getting good, or as Richard Freeman famously stated: “People start heading for the door, just at the moment when they should stay.“ It hit me today how this is very much like life. I signed on to this thing, got this gift, and — it isn’t always hot air balloon rides, 10k followers and sunset dinners on the beach. It’s also loss, dog poop and spilled scoops of ice cream: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. Don’t let yourself lose me.” —Rainier Maria Rilke, “Go To The Limits Of Your Longing“ (9) Oh, and last but not least: I think about what I’ll eat when I’m done. | ||