I love putting my leg behind my head.

I just LOVE it. I can’t wait to stand up with my leg behind my head and it’s just so good to fold over with my leg behind my head or side plank with one leg behind my head or lift my body off the ground with legs behind the head and I’m so hippy dippy happy that I’m putting BOTH legs behind my head I mean that’s totally f*cked up and yet–

I love it.
I love putting a leg behind my head.

It’s not “functional movement.” It’s not going to help me unload the groceries (can I get a hand here, please?) or twist a stubborn lid off a jar. It’s not going to help me do the laundry or wash the dishes or pick up a car. It won’t enable me to leap from one building to the next, carry 50lb bags of dog food by my pinkies or lift a Grecian Urn and it won’t help me simultaneously walk and text. It won’t help you do your taxes or clean the gutter (hire someone please?) or lift a heavy pot with one hand while taking a selfie with the other.

It won’t make you cool or special.

It won’t even make you f*cking enlightened.

I do it anyway- because I looove it.
Have I mentioned that?

With my leg nestled cozy behind my head, let me confess to a healthy obsessive stalker-ish crush on “functional movements” too, like squats and deadlifts and hang cleans and jerks.

But watch me snatch my leg behind my head cause my real love it’s putting my leg behind my head– have I told you that? And don’t be a smartass or a dumbass or full of sass ok, and start putting your leg behind your head even though you do yoga never to once a week to a YouTube video and have joints held together by duct tape and pipe cleaners.

Indeed, precious ones I had to go to the chiropractor for a while after putting one leg behind the head with inconsistent dumbass practice and oh– then both feet behind head when you’re already compromised is a recipe for a strain so um, if you love the idea of LOVING this leg behind the head then seek some guidance and regular practice (six effing days a week of Ashtanga) and a good teacher not an assholian one …

And then it still might not be for you (and so you and your non-assholian teacher can move the eff on) and take a different direction, or

Maybe you’ll take up fencing instead.

As for me, I’ll be putting my leg behind my head — I do love it, have you noticed? Really I just cannot hold my sh!t together because I can’t wait to stand up with this leg behind my head! Kinda like some people do weird NON functional shit like “competitive sign spinning” and hot dog eating (they train for that glory, ya know?), dancing on their tippy toes in pointe shoes and climbing Everest in shorts WTF and BASE jumping and sage brushing …and luge (yikes) and curling– whatever that is.

So, excuse me while I put this leg behind my head because I love it I love this practice that leads me to it and you CAN PRY THIS LEG FROM BEHIND MY HEAD OVER MY DEAD TWISTED BODY (probably with both feet behind my lifeless grinning head).

I love putting a leg behind my head, have I said that before? This is function enough for me.

Love functions for me.

Have I mentioned I love putting my leg behind my head?