Those yoga trends. Those Yoga trends
Do you like your yoga with furry friends?

No, I do not want it with a goat
I do not want it on a moat.
Not even floating on a paddle board? nope–
and certainly not in your Ford.

I do not want it with goats
I do not want it with kittens and
WTF not in the snow with mittens (I’ll take my skis for that ya know)

No, I do not want my yoga with smelly goats
I do not want it with beer
I do not want it with wine—
not even 190-proof Everclear

I don’t even want yoga with my kid near.

And it isn’t just because I love ashtanga
that I don’t care to take it with the Ganga.

and yes, by that I do mean marijuana.

Go on and legalize it, But remember–
It takes practice, not cannabis, to open these hips)

No surprise I don’t want it with rage or laughter,
I’ll take a grin, sure, but I don’t even want it with a partner.

I don’t want it in a box
I don’t want it with toe sox.
speaking of which, you think yoga in the nude will blow my mind?
Ah, no way dude, I don’t want to see yours and you certainly ain’t getting to see mine.

I don’t like yoga with goats.
I don’t like it with naps
and I really don’t care for it with an axe (ok not yoga but that’s truly an actual exercise class),
nor with a $500 talking SmartMat.

No! I do not want it with a goat
I do not want it with a horse.
I do not want it with kittens
I do not want it with chickens.
Forget it I don’t even want it with my dog
No, let the dog sniff someone else’s butt–  I don’t care to practice with my shedding, bad breathin’ mutt.

So no, I do not want it with a goat.
I do not want it with a mouse.
But I will do it alone in my house

or with people in a Shala

I’ll take a teacher, but spare me the impala.

Confession: Sometimes I like it with music
but karaoke and silent disco?

For real? Hell no.

I do so like yoga on my mat
So thanks but I’ll just take that!