Last summer I told a fellow yoga teacher that in Ashtanga people refer to taking off from practice during certain days of a woman’s cycle as “ladies’ holiday.”
She wrinkled her nose–
Not at the idea of resting during this time, but at the name. “Ladies’ holiday.” Isn’t it just adorable? Just look how cute you wadies are are wit your wittle wuteruses and with all dose wittle wady things you do.
Ahem.
In recent years there seems to be a proliferation of blogs, posts and podcasts on “Ladies’ Holiday” (that’s “LH” if you’re cool). It’s part of the ashtanga cultural lexicon; indeed in texts among friends, we message each other about “LH” (’cause we’re cool like that).
Well it’s enough to get my proverbial panties in a bunch (even though I confess: I do it too, oh my). Still I have a strong aversion to this name. Let me count the ways this phraseology functions to bunch my often nonexistent underthings:
#1: It sounds like something a bunch of Mad Men era guys would say around a conference room when they wonder why Susie the secretary isn’t there to pour them coffee, pronto.
That is, it sounds like a phrase invented just so that people too squeamish to call something what it is can avoid doing so by calling it something else, and with a handy pejorative slant to boot. It’s like telling a child to call his penis “Captain Bojangles” or her vagina “Princess Buttercup.” Ok, so Captain Bojangles is kind of awesome. But I digress:
“Ladies Holiday” as a euphemism labors under this discomfort and embarrassment for what we are really trying to express (i.e., I AM A CREATOR OF LIFE YOU’RE GONNA SEE ME ROAR DEAL WITH IT). Sure, penis and vagina are weird words that seem chosen by the language gods precisely because they do not want to roll off the tongue (pun intended), and while Captain Bojangles is an awesome name, why can’t we call the things that are the essence of who we are and what we are made of–
what they actually are?
#2 “Ladies Holiday” seems a bit lame for this monthly event that is THE REASON WHY HUMANS CONTINUE TO EXIST, the source of life, the center of creation, the oozing life force you thank heaven for because without it NONE OF US WOULD F*CKING EXIST. Let’s take this moon-loving, life-creating event and wrap it up with a cute little bow! If monthly cycles occurred in men, surely they would be called something like “WATCH ME BE AMAZING AND EXPLAIN THE WORLD TO YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T ASK AND GET THIS JOB I’M NOT QUALIFIED FOR BECAUSE I’M AWESOME.”
(he’ll never be called bossy or aggressive or bitchy for that, either.)
#3: The word “ladies” brings to mind the “Ladies’ Man” character from SNL, and not in a good way (I hated that skit). Now that the era of Downtown Abbey and Pride and Prejudice is behind us, “lady” comes up in my life typically in a derogatory manner (not that women of yesteryear were ever given their due), as in:
(a) “Hey lady!” from a stranger, to remind me that I no longer look 18, and/or that I dropped my sunglasses, Or
(b) to get women drunk in droves to increase the chances of Captain Bojangles’ efforts (see “ladies’ night”) or
(c) to refer to behavior that is fine for a male with a Captain Bojangles but not for someone with a Princess Buttercup. For example, someone told my 5-year-old daughter her behavior (playing with two boys, all three doing the exact same silly kid stuff) was “unladylike” (gag reflex, angry emoji face, swatting/kicking at the air all appropriate actions upon hearing this).
To “ladies” this we add “holiday.” Sure, it’s time off practice if you choose to rest at this monthly time, but is that time a vacation? I have a sweet ashtanga friend who sometimes ends up laid out on a couch, spooning a pillow feeling like bird crap splattered on a car windshield. Referring to her time off the mat as a “holiday” seems not only wrong but downright ignorant and unkind. In Nepal, they send girls to sleep outside in huts during that time of the month– enjoy your Roman Holiday sleeping in the icy cold in a tent gals!
(as recently as January, 2019, a woman and her two children died in a Nepal menstruation hut).
So what should we call it for those who take rest from practice? Wait: why do we have to report it to anyone in the first place? If someone asks you to explain yourself when you miss a mysore practice day, you could, um, choose not to. You’re a human, after all. No one is expected to have perfect attendance.
But if you wanted to explain a day off you could just explain. For example: “I’m not practicing today because I rest on my cycle” Or “I’m taking off because I don’t feel well.” Or, my body needed rest today. Or “I feel like bird crap splattered on a windshield on a car that’s been through a car wash but there is still crap stuck to it that’s the crap I feel like.”
Or,
“THE CRIMSON FIRE OF UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUSNESS BURNS IN ME WATCH AS I SURF THE FLAMES OF LIFE FORCE THAT GAVE YOU BREATH AND YES THAT’S RIGHT YOU CAN SAY THANK YOU”* (this would be my personal favorite for a new name)
Or,
Maybe you just do you. Do what you do, or don’t do. Who do you have to explain yourself to anyway? —
That’s the kind of sh*t I could use a holiday from.
*****
*that’s a Tom Robbin’s quote in there, from Jitterbug Perfume